I want to be pretty

I've never felt pretty. I tried everything, and I am still trying out things which can make me feel a bit.. prettier?
When I met you it was love at first sigh, from my side at least.
Since I met you my love for you have just grown bigger and bigger each day, even now when it's completely over.
I made you in to a  savior, which was what you were to me,
But I guess you never really wanted such position, though you wore it so well.
You fit it perfectly.
You really did make me happy, and I have absolutely no explanation on why.

I kept the photographs of you close to me wherever I went, on my bedside or in my pocket, even in my cellphone, so I could feel that you were with me everyday when we weren't together.
I didn't know much then, that I soon was going to let my sanity drip away from me bit by bit.

I saw the girls you spoke to, so pretty -unlike me. They were perfect.
I'd say ''hi'' to you everyday, and ask how you were doing.
I though that was what a person needed. Caring. I didn't understand it could be too much.
And you would leave be unnoticed.

You didn't really care at all, did you?
You just let me create the fake illusion that you did.

You wanted perfection all along the road, and that was what I tried to give you, though I failed.
I accepted so much. I did so much for you.
I would set heaven and hell on fire for something you wanted.
But in the end you weren't what I thought at all, I realized all the broken promises and the lies you kept telling me.

You told me we had lost it all, and I sat left with the opposite feeling.
The feelings of that we still could have saved it, our relationship.
I felt we could go through fire and ice together. Move mountains.
But it was me that could move the mountains, not you.

I felt, and still feel that a part of me is gone. You were like a soulmate to me. My other half.

The Greeks believe that God cut the human in half's and that the two half's have to find each other.
I feel that you're my other half, and how are you supposed to function when you have met and lost your other half? I feel that my reason to live is gone.
I wanted to die before I met you, but somehow you taught me how to handle things.
You taught me how to handle myself, but I can't continue doing that without you.

I want to be pretty, really pretty. No, I want to be beautiful. Perfect looking, and get the best personality,  meet you again and ask '' Am I beautiful enough for you now?'' 

You would probably reject me over again, but at least then I could die pretty.

I am better off dead, far away from this so-called earth.