Moving on?

I am lying in my bed with my best friend sleeping beside me. … I pretend for myself that I have already moved on, and started to get over you, and that there was no decision left to take. I had decided to move on, and made it through.
 I began to cry, or I am crying now- only a tear here and there so don’t judge me too hard - over one person and one single person only. You.  I know for sure that I haven't gotten over you, but it can be good to pretend so for myself, when I feel I can manage to face reality when it comes.


I honestly don’t know what I will do if I never ever get to see you again. I would probably try to act normal, but like on everything else I do; I would fail. You meant a lot to me, and you still do... I know I don't mean a single thing to you. Probably never has neither, but you do to me, that's a fact. 

And the fact that I will be seeing you again pretty soon is killing me pretty much inside. I really don't wanna face you, at least not now. Its just all too soon, and hurtful right now.

Though you're the only person I really do want to talk to, and meet.
I really do, I just can't put myself through it.