UPS ~

So today I'm a little bit nervous since I am going to a meeting to discuss the exact date that I'm going in to UPS, which is a youth center for people with mental disorders or struggles, like if you have problem sleeping, hallucinating, self harm, have an eating disorder etc.

I don't know how long I will be there, but hopefully not too long. I don't really know.
The only thing I really know is that I have to eat breakfast and dinner together with the others, but if it was a really big problem for me I didn't have to, but I don't think that will be a problem. I think that the only problem in a situation like that is that I don't know anyone and that is what makes me scared.
Anyway I also know that I am going to go to school on that place so I don't have to take anything over again or slow my education down, and I am going to talk to a psychiatrist two-four times a week, depens on what they think.

I will also get medication. I've tried a lot before but none of it has helped me as it should so hopefully they find the right medication for me.

After I've been there I am, the plan is that I am going to move for myself and not back home.
The psychiatrist I've had til now want me to move to a place, which is near my boyfriend. Not because of him of course but it is a small town and there are three blocks there with apartments where there also work other grown ups who can take a little more care of me.
So I'm not moving all for myself as I know, there will be someone watching a little bit over me and helping me with the medicine. 

The bad thing is that I have already started on school, in a class I really like. The class I'm in now is really great and everyone is very kind there, therefore I'm a little afraid of moving to another school in case its less good there.

At least I get a date today on when, after what my mum think I will be going in there in less that two weeks ~

Proud~

This post is to my boyfriend, not just because he is my boyfriend. I actually did write him a text like this a while back when we were just friends. So now I'm going to do it again, just a bit more emotional.

I am very proud of you, not only because you seem to keep up with me, but because to me you seem like a very strong person emotionally.
I know you suffer with depression, have problem sleeping and eat way to little, but you make it through the day without complaining and you go to your work and do your job.

You take as good care of your son as you possibly can, that is something I find very attractive and safe about you. Because you are not, obviously, together with your son's mother, but still you try to see him as much as you can, and you try to give him as much money and love as you can. The love you can show seem to me to have no limits.

I'm not trying to say that you are flawless, I'm not gonna lie. You as everyone else has something , we all have some issues. What is so great is that we can sit down and talk about it if it becomes a problem. 

I'm not saying that you are the only guy who would take care for his son, but I'm sure some guys wouldn't if they didn't get to see their child so much, when they have no other contact with the mother. Some would maybe not care that much at all, or try to forget, but you faced the problem from the start and you really do care for him now.
That's something I look up to you for, and perhaps envy you for. I really adore the love you show toward your kid, and the look in your eyes when you talk about him. It's like I can see the love in your eyes.

I know you have been afraid that it will be a problem in our relationship, but he will be a part of your life until you die, which means that if I myself at all want our relationship to work I just have to bite my lip and let you love him just as much, or maybe (hopefully?) more than me. And that my dear, I intend to do.
I really want you to know that it won't ruin or bother our relationship in anyway, rather will make it even better and stronger.
I want you to spend as much time with him with him as possible, even though it means I get a less time with you, it will be worth it.

I am not saying that to be kind, I am saying that to be honest.

You give me a safety feeling I haven't felt before. I am not afraid of losing you in the same way I have been to lose others before. We can discuss anything, and fight, but I can always trust you and there seem to be no need for me to have these anxiety feeling of losing you, as I may have because of other experiences, because you show me over and over why I can trust you, and you show me love, and that you care for me.
I don't like to fight, but when we do, it never last long and it always end in laughter.

I really appreciate it, and I hope that it can last ♥